لهفة متكررة

by Sandy Chamoun 2010

تعرف جيدًا تلك الحالة التي تعيشها وتلازمها منذ أيام. إنهُ ذلك الإحساس المتناقض الذي يجمع بين نشوة السعادة و الخوف الكامن في روحها .

تشعر بمللٍ من التفكير و الجلوس وحدها .

ما هي إلا لحظات، و تشعر بالدفء يتسلل إلى روحها بمجرد معانقة والدتها.

تظهر ملامح ليلتهما مع تلك الابتسامة الصافية النابعة من عيونٍ زرقاء قادرة على جذب تفكيرك.

لم يجر بينهما حديث ليلي من قبل، إلا و تحدثت فيه والدتها عن ذلك الرجل .

الرجل الذي تمكن بمهارة بالغة من دخول حياتها في وقت كادت تفقد فيه لذة الحياة، ليحيطها بحنانه الفائق ورجولته الناعمة. ذاك الرجل الذي لم تعرف كيف تسلل إلى حياتها لتذوق معهُ أجمل الأحاسيس الإنسانية ووهم العشق. وبالتالي، لم تتمكن أيضاً من معرفة كيف خرج من حياتها. أكان إنسحابا أم مجرّد خروج؟

تنظر إلى والدتها نظرة لا تخلو من الحيرة و القلق، ثم تقرر القضاء على حيرتها بسؤال:

- لسه بتحبيه ؟

تهز رأسها نفياً بينما وجهها يقولُ الكثير:

مقدرش أقولك إن كنت بحبه أو بكرهه أكيد عرفت معاه حاجات جميلة ما حستهاش إلا معاهو أكيد هوّا مش مجرد إنسان عدّى على حياتي و خلاصجوايا له ذكرى حلوة و جرح زي ما وجعني أوي كبرني و قواني

تتابع ردها محاولة وضع حد لمعركة الذكريات و بقايا الوجع قائلة بنبرة ملوها الضحك و التهكم فيما تحاول تقليد المرأة (الغلبانة) :

هو أنا ما قولتلكيش و لا إيه إن الرجالة دول ولاد كلب !

تستغرقان في الضحك و السخرية من مصائب الحب و الحياة.

تنتهي ليلتهما من دون أن تتخلص الفتاة من تلك الحالة الكامنة في داخلها. ولم يزدها ذلك الحديث إلا كثيرًا من الأسئلة !

أتنطبق على تلك المرأة مقولة –أحلام مستغانمي:

(ينتهي الحب عندما نبدأ بالضحك من الأشياء التي بكينا بسببها يوما ربّما تدعى هذه الحالة لامبالاة !

تلمس نسمات الهواء الخريفية وجهها و تمر على خصلات شعرها البنية فيما هي غارقة في بحر الأسئلة لا تقوى على المتابعة. يكاد عقلها ينفجر، كيف أصبح الحب علاقة مشوهة الأطراف ؟

كيف أصبحنا نفترض النهايات قبل البدايات؟!

كيف لشخص يحب أن يقوى على افتعال الألم؟ كيف يشل الحب تفكيرنا و يهزمنا؟!

يتوقف خيط الأسئلة فجأة مع رنين الهاتف المحمول. يهدأ تفكيرها عند رؤية رقمه فيما تكاد دقات قلبها تشق صدرها و كأنها انتظرتهُ طويلا .

تتنشق بعض الهواء ثم تضغط على زر الإجابة الذي تعرف جيدًا أنّه سيقلبُ حياتها رأسًا على عقب، وربما سيكرر معها حكاية آلاف البشر.

- آلو؟

- وحشتيني .. عاملة إيه ؟

تبتسم من قلبها قائلة:

شكلي كده ها حبك

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